That wrinkle will kill your baby.

I was recently at a work function (I am currently on maternity leave) sitting around a table with a few co-workers, most of whom have babies or kids under two. A friend and other co-worker is expecting twins in a couple months. The conversation turned to things we never thought we would need but have come to love. For me, this is the ikea plastic-backed mattress cover. I use them everywhere. When I am feeding her on the rocking chair in case of vomit? Yes. On the couch, in case of vomit? Check! In her crib in case of vomit? Definitely.  On saying this, one co-worker who has 2 year old twins (the oldest kids of any of us, and this entitles her to feel as though we should defer to her wisdom) looks at me in shock and says 'surely you don't put it in the crib?! NOTHING goes in the crib'. I am slightly confused by this and say that why yes I do, and it goes under the sheet. She then looks at the pregnant co-worker and says 'Don't listen to her, that can KILL the baby'.
I am pretty sure I laughed out loud.
As it turns out, on further conversation, evidently these plastic-backed sheets of death can create a wrinkle in the baby's sheet, which the baby can then get her face on, and she will then subsequently smother and die.

I thought of this last week when baby H (who is increasingly breaking out of her swaddle at night) was minging away in her crib. So I went in to re-swaddle her (she is never awake, breaks free, gets mad that she is free, and minges) and low and behold, she has no covering from the chest down, and a butt-load of linen swaddle blanket on her face.

My co-worker would have called CAS right there.

Baby H was flailing around and when I tool the swaddle off her face she gave be the biggest of grins, clearly pleased with her accomplishment.

**This isn't to say that I didn't feel like a terrible mother that she had cloth on her face, because I did, but the kid is a three month old houdini who can go from a tight swaddle, to killing herself in a matter of minutes.

Effortlessly gadding about

So, while I was still pregnant, the topic of getting out and about while on mat leave came up a lot. I have a couple friends who didn't get out a lot, and I vowed that that wasn't going to be me. Moreover, I judged them a bit for their poor decision making in not doing so - obviously it is bad for your health, both mentally and physically to stay inside for a year. I had it all planned out, the baby was due at the end of March, so just as I was recovered enough to get out, the weather would be beautiful. I would pop that baby in to a sling  and the world would be our oyster.

What I didn't count on was the paralyzing terror of taking her outside, in the stroller, never mind the sling (!)

I can't even explain what the fear is of...it's just an intangible terror. The stroller may be that I don't want to be a douche with my giant stroller making everyone's life a misery (and it isn't even like my stroller is that big). As much as I would identify myself as an assertive person, I try to not be in the way if I can help it. The sling though is the real irrational one. Im terrified of falling down and killing the baby.

I know logically that I go whole years without falling down spontaneously, so I should be able to do this.

So today I was meeting my boss for coffee at a starbucks near my house, and my stroller is currently en-route to my home town as I will be taking the train there on Tuesday. So left with no option other than to cancel, I got out the sling.

I have used it before around the house, and on one dog walk around the neighbourhood. But this walk, while only about 10 minutes, would involve crossing an extremely busy intersection (where I was convinced the fall would occur).

Since I am writing this, Im sure you can infer that the walk went without a hitch. No falling, not even minor stumbling occurred. I am hopeful that this small success will have gotten me over the fear enough to keep getting out.

The next hurdle: the bus.  Im baby-stepping my way through modes of transportation.

The only thing I can say in my defence is that I am neurotic yes, but at least it has only been a month and a half. And I am sorry that I judged my friends because it just isn't as easy as I thought it would be.

Breast Feeding

Babies are the only people who are adorable when they eat until they are unconscious.

And so it begins

I'm a new mom. My daughter was born on March 14th (to borrow from Tina Fey, vaginal birth, epidural, did not poop on the table).

She was born with two minor issues: a deep dimple just above her bum (my husband thought on first seeing it that she had an unusually high bum) which was of a small concern because he has a mild form of spina bifeda, and a skin tag in her vagina.

I was devastated. I'm sure that post-partum hormones played a role, but I wanted to cry because there were things wrong with her. She was 30 seconds old and I had already let her down.

One of the nurses said that her daughter had been born with a vaginal skin tag and had out grown it, but at that moment I was too busy throwing up to take a lot of solace in that.

We subsequently found out that the dimple was nothing to be concerned about, and that this too would be out grown.

In the intervening weeks several people have told us about the small idiosyncrasies that their babies were born with and my question is this: why did no one ever mention anything like this before?

I think if I had known that things like this are common, I wouldn't have felt so awful about it. As it was I felt isolated and horrible.

Even now, I can't easily bring myself to say 'skin tag in her vagina' because I feel like people will recoil in horror and think she is somehow not perfect. Even typing this, I almost prefaced 'skin tag' with 'small' as if to minimize it when it is already no big deal.

My instinct is to not tell anyone because it is somehow embarrassing and I imagine that is why I have never heard anyone else talk about it. But I am hoping that if I tell the people I know who are expecting, that should the same thing happen to them, they won't feel like I did.