Monday, February 18, 2013

a glass of Whine @ Home

Sometimes I daydream about being a busy working mother.  Someone with a high-powered career and clicky shoes who gets to complain about how work hours conflict with childcare hours.  Someone who wears necklaces, and pants with buttons, and sometimes even skirts.  Someone who gets to attend meetings and has a desk and a computer that isn't dedicated to children's programs on youtube.
Sometimes I want to try that Working-Mom stereotype on, instead of this one.

It's February and we've been hermitting inside and I'm struggling just the teensiest bit with the choices I've made.  (though really, when he makes well over TWICE what I was making, there was no real choice about who would stay home, since I was against daycare until they're older.)
I''m just going to admit some things here, to get them off my chest and maybe see if others in the same situation feel the same..

1.  I wish I had some time away from my children every day like my husband does.  I miss having a place that I needed to be (that wasn't the place I woke up) and I miss the proactive professional feeling of being a (paltry low-level) office person.  Not that he's got it any easier, I know.  It's just a *different* boulder to push up the hill for awhile, you know?

2.  Sometimes the kids don't really want me to join in and play but they want me RIGHT THERE and some of those time I get bored out of my skull.  I'd check my mail on my smartphone but the girl would lunge @ any touchscreen that came within a 5 meter radius of her.  I'd knit, but the boy thinks yarn is candy.  I'd read, but paper is easily torn by grubby grabby get the point.

3.  I am so very tired of tidying up at least a dozen times a day to have the apartment stay exactly as horrifyingly messy as it ever was.  If I wasn't here I wouldn't see it, and it wouldn't be my job to go around picking up hello kitty accessories so the boy doesn't choke on them.

What do you miss most, SAHs?