Monday, February 18, 2013

a glass of Whine @ Home

Sometimes I daydream about being a busy working mother.  Someone with a high-powered career and clicky shoes who gets to complain about how work hours conflict with childcare hours.  Someone who wears necklaces, and pants with buttons, and sometimes even skirts.  Someone who gets to attend meetings and has a desk and a computer that isn't dedicated to children's programs on youtube.
Sometimes I want to try that Working-Mom stereotype on, instead of this one.

It's February and we've been hermitting inside and I'm struggling just the teensiest bit with the choices I've made.  (though really, when he makes well over TWICE what I was making, there was no real choice about who would stay home, since I was against daycare until they're older.)
I''m just going to admit some things here, to get them off my chest and maybe see if others in the same situation feel the same..

1.  I wish I had some time away from my children every day like my husband does.  I miss having a place that I needed to be (that wasn't the place I woke up) and I miss the proactive professional feeling of being a (paltry low-level) office person.  Not that he's got it any easier, I know.  It's just a *different* boulder to push up the hill for awhile, you know?

2.  Sometimes the kids don't really want me to join in and play but they want me RIGHT THERE and some of those time I get bored out of my skull.  I'd check my mail on my smartphone but the girl would lunge @ any touchscreen that came within a 5 meter radius of her.  I'd knit, but the boy thinks yarn is candy.  I'd read, but paper is easily torn by grubby grabby get the point.

3.  I am so very tired of tidying up at least a dozen times a day to have the apartment stay exactly as horrifyingly messy as it ever was.  If I wasn't here I wouldn't see it, and it wouldn't be my job to go around picking up hello kitty accessories so the boy doesn't choke on them.

What do you miss most, SAHs?


  1. ok, it mustn't be that bad. it must be rewarding as well. but do tell your hubby that you need a day just to be by yourself. he should be man enough to understand that. otherwise, i suggest that you go on strike. :)

  2. "ok, it mustn't be that bad. it must be rewarding as well. "

    You can read Holly's mind?

    I love my son, but when he was little I hated every moment I was trapped at home with him. I felt stupid, stagnant and shut in. I was claustrophobic every day. I'm sure Holly has better parenting skills than I did, but it's still really tough. Sometimes it IS that bad, through no fault of anyone involved.

  3. I guess if this is the only post of mine you'd read, you could question whether I find it rewarding as well. So I'll assure you that I do, and won't get defensive about the maybe-patronizing tone. But I'd like to use this opportunity to explain something about my intent here.

    The point of the post was to *just* be whining. Since having kids EVERY potentially-negative thing I've heard about a child has been prefaced with a version of this sentence: "I love my kid and wouldn't ever trade him/her for the world, but..." or "of course I LOVE being a parent and find it very rewarding, but.." and I'm not going to keep that stupid cycle up.

    I've fallen into the why-aren't-I-the-perfect-mommy-the-media-tells-me-everyone-else-is trap a few times in the last 3 years. It's made things that should have been very simple (like playdates) *way more complicated and riddled with anxiety. And it sucks. It shouldn't be that way - we shouldn't be trying to strive towards *yet another* unattainable shiny perfect life goal. It's like now that we finally have an excuse to not have the perfect magazine body (2 pregnancies in 3 years) they need something else to make us fight for but never win.
    So: I say we should be allowed to not like every aspect of parenting and still be considered wonderful, loving parents by the children we're bitching about. Some parts of parenting are just fun for the kids, and that's why we do them one but a toddler actually wants to read the same ten paragraph story over and over again. No one likes changing shitty diapers. Putting on a b.s. 'everything-is-perfect' face is part of the problem here, so I'm making my little stand. Sometimes, I will not preface my statements. Sometimes it will be just bitching. :p

    *dusts off hands* so...that's where I stand on that. *adjusts tinfoil parenting hat*