Dubious Relief

One of the curious aspects of foster parenting is that the child has some appointments that the foster parents do not accompany them on.  The Children's Aid has a cadre of volunteer drivers that pick up children from wherever they are and deliver them where they need to be, and then bring them back again.  Today, for instance, Jason was picked up at 10:30am and will be delivered back to our door at 1:30pm.

Three hours of relief!  Awesome, right?

The reality is much more stressful, although I don't know how much of this I bring on myself.

Firstly, his napping schedule.  We're doing pretty well with sleep right now, considering he just hit four months.  He's generally not awake for more than 90 minutes during the day.  He'll get up at 6:30am, say, but then be back down for a nap at 8am.  The naps are totally unpredictable in length, ranging from 20 minutes to four hours.  His morning wakeup time is totally unpredictable as well, and could be anything from 5:30am to 9am.  Fortunately today he was awake when the driver was due to come, but usually I have to wake him up to get him ready.

Secondly, the prep.  I was doing laundry late last night to make sure he had an appropriate, cute outfit that matches and fits.  He has clothing that was a gift from the people he is seeing, so I wanted him to be wearing as much of that as possible.  I waited until five minutes before the driver was due because I have had him spit up on his clothes before leaving the house before.  He needs a diaper bag packed with everything you'd expect, but also a communication book that I fortunately remembered to bring up to date on the weekend.  (That's not a fun thing to be trying to do as you watch out the window for the car to arrive.)

Part of the prep involves cat hair.  I got the feedback once that it was "mentioned" that he had cat hair on his clothes, so of course now I'm militant about trying to eradicate it.  The clothes he wears come straight out of the dryer and on to him, and I brush off the bag.  The carseat is the hardest - it sits right inside the front door, usually, on the floor where the most hair accumulates.

The volunteer drivers are subject to human frailties such as being late and going to the wrong address, and civic problems such as traffic.  I've woken the baby up at 10:15am to get him ready, only to have the driver arrive at 10:58am, at which point I'm sending off a baby red-faced, blotchy, and inconsolable from a half-hour of screaming.  On the other hand, I've waited until I saw the car coming to wake the baby up, only to have the driver standing over me and waiting impatiently while I try to do the world's fastest diaper-and-clothing change.

Thirdly, the time he's gone.  I've got three hours to get done everything I need to get done (you know, 10 hours of work for the week, all the laundry and housecleaning, run errands), but instead I'm sitting here missing him, wondering if he's okay with the stranger who picked him up today, and worrying that I forgot to put the diaper rash cream in the bag.  I know from experience that I'm going to spend the time roaming around the house, unable to focus anything, and snapping at my husband.  It has also happened in the past that a visit is cancelled at the last minute, and the driver turns right back around and brings him home.  So I can't actually run errands - I need to be home.

Lastly, the fallout.  Last time the baby came home he was asleep in the driver's car, but of course bringing him in the house woke him up.  He was happy for a half-hour, then screamed for a solid two and a half hours until finally falling asleep at 4:30pm.  It's not like the baby never cries, but that was exceptional.  And who can blame him, when his schedule has been disrupted and he's been away from his primary caregiver for hours?  It leads to a weird mix of wanting to see him, but yet dreading it. It also probably means that I'm, sadly, too attached myself.